slew of words

weltschmerz – noun – a mood of sentimental sadness

The feeling you get when Avril Lavigne’s “sk8r boi” plays through the radio speakers on the way to work and you remember when you used to dance in front of your mirror lip syncing every word and your biggest grief was that your mother would not let you dye your hair pink.

The feeling you get when you stumble across an old photograph of a day you long to recreate but will never be able to.

The feeling you get when the days are ninety degrees in the shade, spent next to bodies of water with cold beers and ice cream, and you remember being bundled under blankets by the fireplace, nose deep in a mug of hot chocolate. And vice versa.

The feeling you get when you read yet another disturbing headline about the way of the world and you miss the days when you were not concerned, or at least the days when Obama was still president.

The feeling you get when you walk by a person that used to know your innermost thoughts and deepest fears and now you avoid eye contact, or perhaps purposefully cross the street, without so much as a forced smile.

The feeling you get when you see an empty storefront that used to be home to your favorite cup of coffee, your favorite place to people watch, your favorite memories of laughter with someone you love and now everyone else sees it as just a waste of space.

The feeling you get when you come across an old journal, filled with hopes of the future and hobbies you promised to pick up and books you longed to read but time got the best of you.

The feeling you get when you donate things you no longer use or need because you know someone else has the capability of giving them a new purpose, of loving them more, but you still feel like maybe if you held on to them they would do more than collect dust.

The feeling you get when you scroll through your social media feed and a face that used to be more familiar than your own, that used to make your heart beat double time out of its chest, stands out among a sea of life updates from people you could not care less about, but now the only way you see that face is through a screen.

The feeling you get when morning greets you with a cover of fresh snow but you find yourself reaching for the shovel and continuing unfazed rather than suiting up in your warmest gear and grabbing the sled like you used to in younger years.

The feeling you get when you receive an unexpected text message, because who sends letters anymore, from someone you lost touch with and now you are filled with guilt for allowing it to happen.

The feeling you get when you are lying awake at night staring at the ceiling and you become consciously aware that time is forever moving forward, stopping for no one and nothing in its path.